Well now, let me tell ya ’bout this here Eugene Willamette River float. It’s a thing folks do, floatin’ on that river. Some say it’s fun, some say it’s not. I ain’t never done it myself, but I heard things. See, they got these tubes, big ol’ rubber things, and you just sit in ’em and let the river take ya.
They say it’s good for lookin’ at birds and such. I suppose if you like lookin’ at birds, it might be alright. But me? I’d rather be sittin’ on my porch with a glass of iced tea. That river’s got all sorts of things in it, ya know. Fish, sure, but other stuff too. They say it’s clean enough for swimmin’, but I wouldn’t trust it. You never know what’s lurkin’ in there.
- One time, they found a body in that river. Right under the bridge! Can you imagine? Poor soul. Made me think twice about gettin’ in there.
- And then there’s that foam. They say it’s natural, from some kinda plants or somethin’. But it don’t look natural to me. Looks like soap scum. Who knows what’s in it?
Some folks say it’s a good way to cool off in the summer. Well, I reckon it is, but so is sittin’ in the shade with a fan. And you don’t have to worry about drownin’ or gettin’ bit by somethin’. And you don’t have to pay no $10 an hour for a tube.
Now, they say there’s different places to start and stop. Some folks go for two hours, some go for four. I don’t see the point, myself. If you’re gonna sit in a tube, why not just sit in your backyard? Save yourself the trouble and the money. And you can have another glass of iced tea.
Some say it’s best to go with a group, with a guide. I suppose that’s safer, but still. You’re trustin’ your life to some stranger who probably don’t know much more than you do. And they got rapids, too. Under that big ol’ bridge. I heard folks askin’ if it’s safe. If you gotta ask if it’s safe, it probably ain’t.
Then there’s the folks who say you should go to the McKenzie River instead. Say it’s better. I don’t know about that. A river’s a river, far as I’m concerned. Water and dirt and who knows what else. You ain’t gonna catch me gettin’ in any of ’em.
But hey, if you wanna float down that Eugene Willamette River, that’s your business. Just don’t come cryin’ to me if you get a mouthful of foam or find a body floatin’ next to ya. I warned ya. Me, I’ll be right here on my porch, enjoyin’ my iced tea and watchin’ the world go by. And stayin’ dry.
Tags: Eugene, Willamette River, Float, River Safety, Summer Activities, Outdoor Recreation, Oregon
